blackotter.com

I have been meaning to get these up online for awhile and I guess it takes wisdom teeth and cat that WILL NOT let me sleep to get this done.

Needless to say San Diego Comic Con was an outstanding time last year and here are some stress relief moments.

mov06592_01

omg can i be more neurotic about life in general? jesus. i have a cat now and I’m freaked that I’m going to have this thing in my life the next, say 12 years or so. No wonder I can’t find a boyfriend. Actually I can’t wait till i get home and get to play with him but since I’ve only had dogs, I’m used to having to play with it all the time and walk things and so I feel odd leaving alone and I feel shackled to a cat. Not that I ever am gone for more than a day at a time and I have my best friend 6 minutes away but still I fret. But he is a very cute boy. One eye and all.
Ug.

Ramblin’s

So the gay mafia talked to me yesterday. By this is mean that there is a group of gay guys at my gym woh always hang out and chat between sets or machines. I’ve seen some at the SLDN dinner but in all the time that I’ve been there I’ve never been able to get into the group. I feel like a high school girl because all I want is to have more gay friends and people to work out with and here they are all in one. So this one guy comes up and asks if I’m larry from high school or college, i don’t recall. We exchange small banter and continue on our way. So we shall see what this brings. It’s totally silly but makes the gym a little more fun.

There is the cutest woman that I have seen for the past few days at Starbucks in the morning. I would say that she is in her 60s maybe. She reminds me a little of a squished Janet Reno. Anyway, she has something like parkensens or something because there is something a little off about her walk and maybe something a little slow in the develpment area, but that may be a product of whatever she has.  Anyway, today I saw her and she had the most amazing smile on her face, and as I recall she always has a smile, and when she paid she was using a (RED) starbucks card and that just got me. I am looking for a way to talk to her and … well i dont know what but I can’t help but think that seeing her everyday and even just waving hello would make my day.

I cooked. Not using my scary oven but the toaster oven. I made Lemon Chicken. It was good. I’ve regressed into 5th grade english too. Creepy.

I think too much. And not about ways to save the world but about the stupid things that aren’t true but for some reason I make them so. I project this miserability (new word) on my life and by doing so I make myself believe that it’s true. Things are, in reality, quite good, I suppose, but I have these insane threads to the past that I can’t seem to let go of or move them into the proper category. The-one-that-got-away texted me the other week for my birthday and I hadn’t talked to him in ages. We dated back in 1992 but it was just nice and since that time we’ve been friends and he now has a child with his partner and I’ve so very happy for him but feeling a little … juvenile by the whole thing. I was an idiot in regards to him and no, i’m not as crazy about him as I sound. Actually when we were texting I realized that I was happy for him and didn’t feel any of the jealous pangs or anything.

Dammit, I hate when I get distracted. So I think too much. Why I hate birthdays. Why is it that when i’m nice to some people I get totally shat on. Why everyone thinks I’m a pompous ass. Why I still think that when someone near me is laughing, they are laughing at me. Krazy.

Work needs to calm down dammit.

fuckstockings

i am so not happy with being depressed.
go diagram that sentence.

im sorry to everyone if I’ve been off and hermity the past few days, weeks?, I’m working on it.

Everyone. I only know one person who reads this and that sentiment goes to you for sure. I’m not who I used to be nor want to be. I’m working on it.

Birthday

So another one has come and gone and I think I made it through this one without crying  into a pint of soy ice cream. Wait I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Im more a Hendricks or Jamesons. And that I had a lot of.

I started the weekend off by taking thursday and friday off because I had reached my vacation limit of 320 hours. Yes I work too much. Thrsday was a fun day of going to get my brakes fixed and putting together a bunch of furniture at my mother’s house. Wheeeee.

This post is rife with sarcasm btw.

I dont even know what I did that night but it probably involved alcohol and LOTRO or a book.

Friday was hanging out at the mall with my friend and then heading back to her house to watch cheesy movies. Like girl cheesy movies. That all involve love. And finding that one guy. So, yes, as I was sitting there watching some Cinderella-esqe update with Hillary Duff and she finds the love of her life I get all misty eyed. I’ve deemed this situation White Horse syndrome. I think I read that somewhere. I want a man to come by and sweep me off my feet and actually add something to my life. I know that this is an impossiblilty and that everyone, even something I read this morning on gay.com, says not to expect perfection but I really don’t think that I’ve asking for too much. And if the real dates that I’ve been on recently are any indication, I’m going to invest in a lot of lube because it’s goin to be masturbation for me. But I’m still going to try. I won’t give up. I think that’s why I get along with my friends in a happy sexual way. Well used to. One moved away and the sexual part was downgraded to just friendship with the other. Where was I going with this…

Saturday, the actual birthday, I was torn with what to do. I ended up going to Harper’s Ferry and walking around and doing some good brain cleansing. It was nice. Came home, began to clean the house and then went to Town with a friend. It was ok. I just don’t like a lot of people. Not like crowds, I don’t mind them, I just really generally hate people. Gay people especially since I am gay and see a lot of them.

Sunday met with the mom for breakfast then a movie. Met a friend for dinner. Got a text from the-one-that-got-away who sent a pic of his 1 year old son. It was actually very nice and the kid was so cute. Being that he and I dated like 17 years ago and my memory is distorted he may not have been the-one-that-got-away but he was my first love and broke my heart. Or I let him or maybe I broke it so he wouldn’t be able to. Whatever. We’re friends.

The dating will continue. Or not. Who knows. I’m more excited about saving for a new computer than I am meeting a guy so that could be indicitive of something I suppose.

SLDN

Ever have the feeling you was being watched?

So this past weekend my cousin-in-law Julian was in town for the 17th Annual Servicemembers Legal Defense Network dinner. And I was lucky to be invited. And omg it freaking rocked.

Though I was never in the military I have been around it all my life and the situation that is going on now with the US Military is beyond horrible. I have known guys in the military that love what they do and the service they provide in the service but have to keep their lives a secret and they hate it. Saturday night I met so many people that had been kicked out just for being gay. Right now we are lowering the standards for getting in the military and yet kicking out hundreds of perfectly able, more than qualified soldiers simply because they are gay. We are the only nation left in Nato to do this.

Arg.

Anyway, the night was a blast. I met so many wonderful people and am excited to get more involved in this organization. And I had this really silly ideal at the start that because I was never been in the military, like I said before and happen to have a thing for uniforms and the rugged military guy, I would not be welcome. Obviously I didn’t walk around and say that I liked uniforms and after talking to a bunch of guys it became more about just their stories and all getting together for a really good time.

My god this pics make my head look huge.

Eye Floater

Can I tell you how happy I am that Family Guy has mentioned the eye floater twice on the show. I used to get so paranoid that I was fucking up my eyes because there was always that odd thing in the corner of your eye that you could never focus on.

Ah it’s the little things.

I hate nascar.
__

Was that odd? I was trying for it to not be odd. Or am i thinking too much again. I want it to be all okay. Yeah i think too much.

Looking at cats on the Madison Humane Society website. SO many cute cats. I’m trying to think about why I want a cat. I mean I love animals but the thing will be around for the next 15 years and i’m not the most financially stable person on the planet. But it would be really nice to have a kitty to come home too and if i’m at rehearsal late of something I wont have to worry about it while i’m out. Oh god i don’t know.

Oh for the love of God.

I really need to get out and have some fun. Hopefully tonight at Secrets for Matty’s birthday will be that fun. Just got some news from a friend that another friend passed away. This is really disturbing me today. Andrew wasn’t someone that I hung out with a lot being that he lived a good distance from me but we had fun together and chatted on Facebook and the phone. He was such a very nice guy and only 24.

I really need some serious distractions.