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i am so not happy with being depressed.
go diagram that sentence.

im sorry to everyone if I’ve been off and hermity the past few days, weeks?, I’m working on it.

Everyone. I only know one person who reads this and that sentiment goes to you for sure. I’m not who I used to be nor want to be. I’m working on it.

So another one has come and gone and I think I made it through this one without crying  into a pint of soy ice cream. Wait I don’t think I’ve ever done that. Im more a Hendricks or Jamesons. And that I had a lot of.

I started the weekend off by taking thursday and friday off because I had reached my vacation limit of 320 hours. Yes I work too much. Thrsday was a fun day of going to get my brakes fixed and putting together a bunch of furniture at my mother’s house. Wheeeee.

This post is rife with sarcasm btw.

I dont even know what I did that night but it probably involved alcohol and LOTRO or a book.

Friday was hanging out at the mall with my friend and then heading back to her house to watch cheesy movies. Like girl cheesy movies. That all involve love. And finding that one guy. So, yes, as I was sitting there watching some Cinderella-esqe update with Hillary Duff and she finds the love of her life I get all misty eyed. I’ve deemed this situation White Horse syndrome. I think I read that somewhere. I want a man to come by and sweep me off my feet and actually add something to my life. I know that this is an impossiblilty and that everyone, even something I read this morning on gay.com, says not to expect perfection but I really don’t think that I’ve asking for too much. And if the real dates that I’ve been on recently are any indication, I’m going to invest in a lot of lube because it’s goin to be masturbation for me. But I’m still going to try. I won’t give up. I think that’s why I get along with my friends in a happy sexual way. Well used to. One moved away and the sexual part was downgraded to just friendship with the other. Where was I going with this…

Saturday, the actual birthday, I was torn with what to do. I ended up going to Harper’s Ferry and walking around and doing some good brain cleansing. It was nice. Came home, began to clean the house and then went to Town with a friend. It was ok. I just don’t like a lot of people. Not like crowds, I don’t mind them, I just really generally hate people. Gay people especially since I am gay and see a lot of them.

Sunday met with the mom for breakfast then a movie. Met a friend for dinner. Got a text from the-one-that-got-away who sent a pic of his 1 year old son. It was actually very nice and the kid was so cute. Being that he and I dated like 17 years ago and my memory is distorted he may not have been the-one-that-got-away but he was my first love and broke my heart. Or I let him or maybe I broke it so he wouldn’t be able to. Whatever. We’re friends.

The dating will continue. Or not. Who knows. I’m more excited about saving for a new computer than I am meeting a guy so that could be indicitive of something I suppose.

Ever have the feeling you was being watched?

So this past weekend my cousin-in-law Julian was in town for the 17th Annual Servicemembers Legal Defense Network dinner. And I was lucky to be invited. And omg it freaking rocked.

Though I was never in the military I have been around it all my life and the situation that is going on now with the US Military is beyond horrible. I have known guys in the military that love what they do and the service they provide in the service but have to keep their lives a secret and they hate it. Saturday night I met so many people that had been kicked out just for being gay. Right now we are lowering the standards for getting in the military and yet kicking out hundreds of perfectly able, more than qualified soldiers simply because they are gay. We are the only nation left in Nato to do this.

Arg.

Anyway, the night was a blast. I met so many wonderful people and am excited to get more involved in this organization. And I had this really silly ideal at the start that because I was never been in the military, like I said before and happen to have a thing for uniforms and the rugged military guy, I would not be welcome. Obviously I didn’t walk around and say that I liked uniforms and after talking to a bunch of guys it became more about just their stories and all getting together for a really good time.

My god this pics make my head look huge.

Can I tell you how happy I am that Family Guy has mentioned the eye floater twice on the show. I used to get so paranoid that I was fucking up my eyes because there was always that odd thing in the corner of your eye that you could never focus on.

Ah it’s the little things.

I hate nascar.
__

Was that odd? I was trying for it to not be odd. Or am i thinking too much again. I want it to be all okay. Yeah i think too much.

Looking at cats on the Madison Humane Society website. SO many cute cats. I’m trying to think about why I want a cat. I mean I love animals but the thing will be around for the next 15 years and i’m not the most financially stable person on the planet. But it would be really nice to have a kitty to come home too and if i’m at rehearsal late of something I wont have to worry about it while i’m out. Oh god i don’t know.

Oh for the love of God.

I really need to get out and have some fun. Hopefully tonight at Secrets for Matty’s birthday will be that fun. Just got some news from a friend that another friend passed away. This is really disturbing me today. Andrew wasn’t someone that I hung out with a lot being that he lived a good distance from me but we had fun together and chatted on Facebook and the phone. He was such a very nice guy and only 24.

I really need some serious distractions.

Netflix is awesome.

Oh my dog I miss sleep.

Whiskey, two beer and a valium didn’t work.

Last night I shot out of bed due this incredible pain and was consequently awake for the next two hours trying to make it go away.

blerg.

I shouldn’t blog now as I could cry I’m so tired. I want to curl up in bed with someone and just sleep for days. I had Hardy in bed last night though at some point he ended up on the floor. Crazy aligator.

You know when you have a point A and a point B but have no way to connect the two ends. Its  like I’m holding two showlaces but have forgotten to tie my shoe. I think there are aliens doing experiments on my brain which can really be the only explanation for the incredible mind trip and darkness associated with…well everything.

I need coffee

So when i get bored I do odd things. No, I didn’t do Steve Martin. I changed my web page. This should be obvious to the three people, the one american and two armenians, that reaf this. I figured that if i changed it I would actually do something with it. I give it a week.

But Steve Martin. He has been funny right? I mean The Jerk was ok. But does he deserve all the hoopla that he gets. I think i’m miffed that those stupid Pink Panther movies…well … they exist. AndI just scanned imdb and i think that i like the serious things he’s done much better. LA Story is a favorite movie of mine for it’s subtlety, and warmth and wit. Everything else, meh. Now when he appears in a movie, like popping up in Baby Mama, I cringe.